Aftermath
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: So we've all read about Logan being bullied and tormented.  This is what the guys do after. So Logan's in the hospital, the guys are stressing, and secrets are coming undone. PS: I don't own BTR
1. Chapter 1

**This sort of just came out of my brain in math class…**

Logan shuddered to life in James's arms. A wave of nausea passed over him, forcing him to roll over and vomit on the cold pavement.

"Logan!"

The sudden voice startled the beaten boy. He looked into the eyes of his friend Carlos, terrified, and scooted away until he ran into the red, brick wall framing the alley. He opened his mouth, straining to form words, to ask how much they had seen, but his body refused the effort. A sudden panic attach claimed him. His friends rushed over to console his wracking figure. Logan flinched away from them, looking at the ground to avoid seeing the hurt in their eyes. "G-g-et away!" he stammered.

The boys felt a pang of pain pierce their hearts. The boys tried for him again, and got similar results. "Let us help you!" James begged, but when Logan didn't meet his eyes he said more forcefully, "You need us to help you!"

Logan curled up in the fetal position, clutching his head. "No," he said through clenched teeth, then, psychotically screamed, "NO!"

"Logie…" Carlos trailed off, unsure of what to say next. Luckily, the never fail nickname did it's job, and Logan timidly looked up at him. Carlos's eyes had a soft look to them. He offered a weak smile, "We just want you better." His voice shook.

Suddenly, Logan felt the freezing Minnesota air. He shivered, looking for any kind of warmth that his thin, shredded t-shirt could provide. James held out his jacket.

"No," Logan choked out, still refusing their help.

"Come on, man." It was an order, but James asked it like a plea. The effect was the same, and Logan shrugged the jacket on. The welcome feeling of relief rolled over his two friends. James pulled out his phone, cursing at his lousy cell phone service, and walked off to find bars and call an ambulance and the police. Carlos sat next to Logan, leaning his back against the wall.

Logan traced his finger in the dirt caked up against the brick. "How much did you see?" he asked after they had been alone for a while, forming his first real sentence since waking up.

Carlos looked at his tear stained cheeks, and lied his ass off. "Not much."

"You're lying," Logan muttered, horrified.

"Yeah," Carlos admitted guiltily. Logan could always tell when they were lying. He was incredibly intuitive, and it was one of the reasons the guys always went to him when they were upset because they wouldn't have to explain as much. Another reason they went to him was because he was a great secret keeper, as they all knew now.

The two sat in silence for a while, listening for the sound of James's sneakers tapping on the ground, echoing off the walls in the rare city silence. A thought dawned on Logan.

"What time is it?" he asked, staring at the shattered screen of his cell phone.

"3 AM," Carlos replied. There was a pause. "Why didn't you tell us?" he asked, confused. It was probably the last question Logan wanted to answer, but he was glad Carlos was the one to ask. He would try to understand, where James and Kendall would have just gotten angry.

"I-"he took a shaky breath, "I didn't want to bother you…" he murmured, almost inaudible. His pale face looked ghostly in the dimly lit alley. He looked even whiter than usual due to blood loss. The wound on his head was still leaking slowly through his matted hair, dripping over his forehead and down his neck. His eyes were drooping dangerously, but he couldn't sleep. Not with the risk of a concussion. He pressed his lips together, fighting off tears.

Carlos looked crest fallen. "You could never bother me, Logan. You couldn't bother any of us," he tried desperately. Logan just looked to his toes.

"But you're worried…" he trailed off.

Carlos nearly double-taked. "Worried and bothered are two very different things," he said, words magically flowing to him. "And as for being worried, I'm always worried about you. Even when I didn't know that satanic, sadistic, freaking _Jimmy Nixon_," he spat the name, "was doing this to you. I want you to be happy, Logan. Really happy, not the pretend happy you are when you're with us."

"Same here," James chimed in unexpectedly from behind.

Logan felt terrible. His friends looked so hurt and betrayed… his chest constricted, and the weight of his sobs was too much. "I'm sorry," his voice cracked, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't you dare be sorry, Logie." The boy's tears subside momentarily with the sound of his nickname. "Look man, worrying is how we love you. Actually, scratch that, it's one of the _many _ways we love you, okay?" Logan opened his mouth, but James kept talking. "And we _want _to love you. You can let us in," James's voice grew softer. "We're gonna be there for you always, alright? We're not your dad."

And with that final sentence, Logan broke down the wall he had been building since he met the guys. He finally stopped pretending. He struggled to breathe as he cried.

Carlos and James held him, being there like they promised, but shared a look. This was _not _going to be easy to explain to Kendall. They winced at the thought of it, but their attention was quickly refocused on the quaking boy in their arms.

Soon, the alley way was filled with the sound of sirens. Logan was loaded into an ambulance, and the boys' stomachs churned.

"Can we go with him?" Carlos asked a paramedic, panicking. He couldn't let Logan out of his sight. Not yet. The man gave a nod, and the boys stepped up into the vehicle. "He's gonna be okay, right?" he asked the man.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," he said earnestly.

The boys let go of a breath they didn't know they had been holding, but they fell back on a near equally terrifying thought. What were they going to say to Kendall?

**Hmmm. I don't know. I could keep it short like this, or I could do a multi-chapter. OPINIONS?**

**Guys, I so recommend Blood Atonement if you all are James angst fans. I seriously loved it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This spent all of Biology, Chanson, and History in the making. I rewrote this probably four times, and I still hate it. **

Kendall's phone vibrated, clattering on his dining room table. Kendall searched for it, digging through open text books and review packets. 'James' flashed across its screen. He pressed the talk button.

"James!" Kendall whined into his cell. "I'm _studying! _You knew that? I've buried myself waist high in paper," he complained, erratically gesturing to the mess surrounding him, despite the fact that James couldn't see him. "What could possibly be so important?"

James gulped, adjusting his collar nervously. "Um, it's about Logan-"

"Actually, speaking of, have you seen him? He was supposed to come over and help me!"

James rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He threw a glance back to Carlos, who was staring at him wide-eyed and scared. He looked so young and dependent. James's stomach knotted. "He was coming, but-"

"Is he with you? Ugh, doesn't he know how important this is? It's all I've been able to think about for weeks!"

James rolled his eyes. "That's obvious," he said dryly, thinking back to Kendall's spectacular ability to focus solely on meaningless midterms, when Logan was breaking apart in front of him. "Look, Logan's-"

"Tell him to get over here! I need to ace these for hockey. He knows that!" Kendall's voice cackled through the receiver.

James's eye twitched. "Yes he knows that!" he snapped into the phone. Thinking of Carlos, he lowered his voice, "he knows everything about you. Try learning something about him!" he bit, and immediately regretted it. Kendall really did need straight A's on all his midterms, or else he wouldn't get to play hockey for the year. James couldn't really blame him for being oblivious. "Listen," he said softly, "Logan's in the hospital." There was a pause. "Are you okay?" he asked, when Kendall didn't respond.

"Why?" Kendall asked voice cold as steel.

"Don't get mad!" James involuntarily shrieked into his cell, his fear getting the better of him and breaking the stony hospital silence. Carlos's eyes grew wide in panic. James winced.

"Who?" Kendall asked unnaturally evenly. When James didn't answer, he asked more forcefully, "_Who?"_ He clenched his fists and standing up, too angry to sit.

"Jimmy Nixon..." James said timidly. "But don't do anything you'll regret!" His voice fell on deaf ears. Kendall Knight was already tugging on his jacket, headed out the door.

James stared at the darkened screen of his phone, the familiar feeling of fear creeping back up his viens. He stuffed his cell into his pocket and took a seat next to Carlos on the stiff, ER waiting room bench. The two stared at the white, tiled floor blankly. Suddenly, James found Carlos's head in his lap, and he ran his fingers consolingly through his hair. Tears ran down both sets of cheeks as they waited for news on Logan in silence.

Soon, the boys found themselves staring at a set of sneakers. It was Kendall, knuckles covered in blood.

"We should get them to clean you up," Carlos squeaked meekly, throat hoarse from holding back sobs.

"It's not mine," Kendall said in a daze, the weight of the situation falling heavily on his shoulders at the sight of two of his best friends crying. Kendall lifted the Latino's legs, sitting beneath them and absent mindedly rubbing his ankle comfortingly like the leader he wished he was. "How bad is it?" he asked Carlos, James refusing to even look at him.

For the second time in as many hours, Carlos lied his ass off. "Not bad."

Kendall scoffed. He had seen the fear in that satanic Jimmy Nixon's eyes before he decked him in the face. He was so scared, it made Kendall feel he hadn't hurt him hard enough. "You're lying."

Carlos sighed. "Yeah…" tears welled in his eyes.

**So what do you people think? Every time I write a chapter, I feel like I could just end it…**


	3. Chapter 3

**I had no idea what to do with this chapter! I kept writing it so that a) Kendall beat Jimmy up so bad there was no way he wouldn't be imprisoned or b) It was horrendously boring and repetitive. So I hope this is a happy medium.**

**PS I don't own E-Trade (or I'd be rich) or a skateboarding dog (sob)**

"Are you family of Logan Mitchell?" A doctor, classically clad in a white lab coat with pocket protector and stethoscope, asked the boys, who were currently the only people in the ER waiting room.

"Yes," Kendall lied. His friends sent him thankful looks. They had to know how Logan was, the waiting was killing them.

"Are your parents here?" he asked, raising an eyebrow before going back to study his clipboard. All three boys inwardly slapped themselves. During all the fear and worry, they had completely forgotten about their families. Suddenly, James was six-years-old and wanting nothing more for his mom to sit him in her lap and tell him everything would be okay. A sob caught in his throat, strangling him. He held it back. Now was not the time to cry. He had to be strong.

"They're on their way," Kendall lied seamlessly, reaching his hand smoothly into his back pocket to text his mom. 'Come. At ER,' he typed in quickly, knowing she would be there in ten minutes. "Our mom will be here soon."

The doctor sighed, "I'll be back, then. I can't tell you anything without Logan's legal guardian present." At the sight of their distressed faces, he added, "I'll return shortly." He left the room.

As it turned out, a hysterical Mrs. Knight burst through the doors in five minutes, making it painfully obvious she had broken the speed limits multiple times in her beaten up minivan. They could see the relief pass over her face as she laid eyes on Kendall. Then, panic flooded back into her eyes as she counted three boys instead of the usual four. "Where's Logan?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm and stern. Kendall ushered her over to the far side of the room, to tell her the story, leaving out the more graphic parts. James and Carlos were, once again, alone.

"James?" Carlos asked from his seat next to him on the bench. His expression looked pained. "It's going to be okay, right?" he asked, looking for reassurance for the twenty-second time that day. Something about the Latino's face made James tell the truth this time.

"I don't know," he admitted, pulling his friend into his lap, the closeness not off putting. Two regular boys would find it awkward, but they weren't regular boys. James and Carlos were inseparable. They all were, but something about them was different.

Kendall was the leader and, therefore, untouchable. He was strong and protective, and the boys all went to him with everything, but it was never the other way around. When Kendall's mom and dad got a divorce, he dealt with it longer than he had to because he wouldn't talk to them. It was hard to get close to him because the relationship was always one sided.

Logan was their baby. He was the one who looked up to him. He was the one they poured all their love on, and he poured it right back on all of them. They were his roll-models, but that meant they couldn't let their badness show to him. When Logan was with them they didn't put on airs, but they didn't let their entire selves show to him either. They didn't curse, or judge others, or lie, or cheat. They kept Logan pure, and because of that, their relationship never had that level of forgiveness and acceptance that made the other three had.

James was Kendall's back up. He followed him into battle and kept him in check. One of the reasons Kendall didn't mess up, was because James was always making sure he didn't. He kept Kendall covered, but unfortunately to do that, he would put himself in the line of fire. Because, even though Kendall didn't make mistakes, James did. He caused big messes that Kendall was always there to clean up, even when nobody else would. James was clumsy with his relationships, and time after time again he broke his ties with his friends, and Kendall had to put them back together again.

Carlos was Carlos. He wasn't the leader, he wasn't the baby, and he wasn't the side-kick. Carlos was, however, the glue. He was the ball of energy that kept a smile on his face through it all. A real smile, not the kind the other boys plastered on their faces to calm each other down. Even when depression was suffocating them, Carlos was the joy. He was the one to bring back the real smiles, again.

Proving his description correct, Carlos's face lit up as an E-Trade commercial flickered on the TV above their heads. He giggled, and James found himself smiling, too. A weight was lifted off their shoulders as a dog food commercial came on and they laughed as a skateboarding dog rolled across the screen, but it settled right back onto their hearts as Logan's doctor came back into the room.

Mrs. Knight sent Kendall away, and stepped behind the glass doors and spoke. They listened to the doctor's calm voice and Mrs. Knights frantic one. Both were so muffled they couldn't make anything out, but the emotion was there.

Then two things happened at once. The doctor came through saying, "You can see Logan," just as Jimmy Nixon rolled through on a gernie.

**WOOT WOOT! DONE! I'm feeling all impressed with my bad self. So what do you think? Are you mad at my cliffy?**


	4. Chapter 4

"Mrs. Knight, why don't you go talk to Logan alone? I'm sure he could use a loving adult right now," James offered, practically begging for some time to question Kendall on what happened with Jimmy.

Mrs. Knight eyed the boys skeptically. She had known them long enough to tell when something was up, and now was one of those times that skill came in handy. "Are you sure? I'm sure he'd much rather see you," she countered, watching them suspiciously. James plastered on his best sheepish smile, attempting to look uncomfortable, which wasn't exactly hard to fake.

"I think we could use a minute to compose ourselves before we go in," he explained convincingly, "it's gonna be nerve wracking to see him attached to a bunch of machines." Mrs. Knight frowned, but a quick glance at Kendall, who gave her a nod, reassured her that James was telling the truth.

Okay, so maybe Mrs. Knight didn't know them as well as she thought.

She headed off with Logan's doctor, glancing back at them uncertainly. They smiled back at her, goading her on, until she was out of sight. James and Carlos whirled on Kendall. "What were you _thinking_, man?" Carlos asked, eyes wild.

"N-nothing," Kendall.

l stammered, still in shock from seeing Jimmy wheel in. His face had paled since his mother left, and Carlos was clearly freaking out. They had dropped their façades with Mrs. Knight gone, and James was getting a better feel for the situation. He glared at Kendall for making a bad situation worse. They had been worrying all this time about Logan being alright, but now all that James was going to be thinking about was if Kendall was going to have to go to jail for assaulting Jimmy.

"What did you do?" he asked, voice dripping with an anger only slightly muffled by the fear that threatened to consume him. Despite being insanely mad at him and sleep deprived, James was still worried about Kendall. The blonde teen gulped and thought back to what had happened just a few hours earlier.

* * *

_Kendall pulled his beat up, gray mini van into the Nixons' driveway around 3:15AM. Even while he was still in his car, Kendall could hear the base booming though the speakers playing in Jimmy's house. He stepped out into the cold, ignoring the bitter wind that bit at his skin, and made through the front door, sidestepping around couples clinging to each other on the front step. He gagged as his breath caught on the smoke hanging heavily the air. Jimmy was currently having another one of his "underage everything" parties. Kendall scowled._

_He stormed his way through the dimly lit living room, spotting Jimmy smoking on a thread bare, floral sofa. His black hair fell into his eyes; beer cans littered his coffee table. _

_Kendall's blood boiled at the sight of him 'relaxing' after hurting Logan and sending him to the hospital. "Jimmy," he spat, struggling to contain his anger, taking it a second at a time. His hands balled into fists at his sides. Subconsciously, his chest puffed out authoritively, and he took on an intimidating expression._

_Jimmy looked up at him, and, even in his drunken haze, realized how threatening Kendall looked. In a 'fight or flight' decision, Jimmy scrambled for the door. Kendall, however, caught him by gripping the back of his collar. He spun him around, smacking his fist into the side of Jimmy's fat face. He heard him grunt, and Kendall dropped him to the ground, where he struggled up onto his hands and knees._

_Blood gushed from his nose, pouring down his face. Jimmy made the mistake of breathing it in and choked, coughing it up onto the carpet. Kendall sat him up and relentlessly punched him, as his druggie friends sat back and watched, slow brains not processing what was happening in front of them. _

_Kendall let Jimmy fall to the ground again, but this time left him there, headed out the door. Despite the pain, Jimmy rolled over to grab another cigarette and light it. He breathed in the addictive smoke and watched Kendall leave, red blood staining its white paper._

* * *

"I didn't do anything!" he cried desperately. James and Carlos gave him identical "oh, really?" looks. "Well, I punched him a couple times, but he was conscious when I left!" he relented, flustered. James rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Then why is he here?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"I don't know! Because he's a druggie?" James looked at Carlos like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he was met with a shrug.

"It was gonna happen sometime," Carlos reasoned, and James let it go. For the moment anyway. There was an uncomfortable silence as they realized what had to happen next.

"So..." Kendall trailed off. "I guess we should g-"

"Yep," James interrupted quickly, and led the way to Logan. He could practically feel his hair graying, what with all the worrying he had done lately. And honestly? It freaked him out.

* * *

**Haha, I'm gonna be Whiney Brunette instead of Cheeky AGAIN and complain that I didn't like what I wrote. Am I annoying you yet?**

**So sorry! It's been… I don't know. A while since I updated, but it feels longer than that, you know?**

**SO GUESS WHAT! I now not only have my "BTR wall" which all of you 'Back in the Days' readers know about, but I now have my BTR ceiling. IT ROCKS! So I go to bed, and they just look down on me and I have a mini heart attack. It's the bestest thing ever!**

**NOW I COMMAND YOU TO GO READ 'BIG TIME SICKNESS'! Why? Cause it's….**

**a) the first BTR story I ever read**

**b) the first BTR story I ever loved, and the last for a good long time.**

**c) the story that inspired me to write BTR fic.**

**And if you know Teen Titans, read Mechanics cause that's what inspired me to write in general. **


	5. Chapter 5

**This is either going to turn out horrible, or really good. Wish me luck, folks. Here goes nothing ;)**

James walked into Logan's room, and immediately wished he _had_ taken time to compose himself, because, frankly, Logan looked scary.

Wires crawled out from under his hospital gown and covers, hooking up to the machines surrounding his bed. Needles embedded into his skin were attached to long thin tubes, trailing out from IV drips. Logan's already pale face looked ashen, his skin seeming almost translucent. His body looked frail, weak, and small in the big hospital bed that nearly consumed him. Almost every part of him had a bandage or bruise. James was scared to think about what was under his gown, figuring his torso had gotten the worst of the damage.

* * *

Carlos's stomach clenched, and his chest tightened. Seeing Logan in a hospital bed was almost too much. He swayed where he stood, breaking away from the world as he nearly passed out. Kendall's steady brought him back to reality, centering him, but that didn't stop the rolling nausea he felt. Carlos's brain struggled to form coherent thoughts as he looked at Logan's quaking form. He couldn't make sense of it.

Suddenly, he was running on instinct. He couldn't understand what was happening to Logan, but he could feel it. It felt bad, and scary, and Carlos _hated_ it.

Carlos ran.

* * *

Kendall was feeling something different than usual. He was scared, but that wasn't what was new. The new part was how it wasn't channeling itself into anger. For so long, anything that upset Kendall just twisted until he felt nothing but mad.

Kendall could handle being angry, and he could handle being happy. What Kendall couldn't handle was being scared and sad, and that's what he was feeling right now.

His brain flitted between 'protective mode' and total fear. He saw Carlos's wavering consciousness, but with him now gone, he let himself shut down and kneeled at the foot of Logan's bed. "Hey buddy," he said weakly, voice shaking. He half expected to hear Logan answer, and when he didn't he almost lost himself to panic. '_He's dead, he's dead, he's dead,' _he thought, struggling for air. He gripped the metal foot board so hard his knuckles whitened. '_He's asleep, not… not…'_ he couldn't even think about Logan dying. '_He's just on morphine. You know how tired that makes you. You've been on it half your _life_, and you're fine.'_ But something about it was different this time. Kendall's eyes welled with tears.

And for the first time since he was six and his dad left, Kendall cried. He somehow found his way into him mother's arms. He didn't notice at first, but James was in her lap, sobbing just as hard. He prayed James didn't realize he was there.

* * *

Carlos ran until he couldn't anymore, and that wasn't very far. His tired limbs gave up, and he collapsed against a cold, white hospital wall.

He was so _tired_.

Carlos hadn't fully grasped how exhausted he was until that moment. All the worry and fear that had consumed him for the past hours had worn him out, and he couldn't do it anymore. This was serious, and serious wasn't something he was good at. He was good at fun, and crazy, and ridiculous. He didn't know how to handle this sort of thing, and, honestly, he wished he didn't have to.

Carlos had been in the hospital before, plenty of times. But , just like Kendall, he felt like this trip was different. Maybe it was because one of them was _put _in there on purpose. Maybe it was because some of the injuries were _weeks_ old and not fresh.

Or maybe it was because Logan didn't tell them.

Kendall had been stressing over midterms, and Carlos didn't blame him for that. He needed the A's or else, no hockey. Normally it was Carlos who was worried that time of year, but he had done well due to Logan's awesome, corndog and girl-inspired tutoring. So Kendall needed to focus, but how he could miss Logan self-destructing was beyond Carlos.

When he and James first noticed, it was an accident. Logan had subconsciously rolled his sleeve up while getting a jumpstart on his homework during lunch. They had seen the purpling bruises coating his arm, while Kendall stared intently at his math book. When they asked him about it later, Logan had said he'd fallen. Lucky for them, no, lucky for _him_, Logan was a bad liar.

It didn't take a lot of snooping to figure out what was going on. James and Carlos had only followed Logan for about an hour when he met Jimmy in that god-forsaken alley the first time. It only took one punch for James to immediately spring on him, but Jimmy heard before he could lay a hand on him, and was gone. Carlos practically flew to Logan, as the raven haired boy tried to realign his jaw.

That was the first time, and, somehow, it kept happening. They tried to protect him, but it was obvious by the way Logan occasionally limped into school or winced when they touched him that they weren't doing a good job.

Carlos shuddered. Why couldn't he be Kendall? Kendall _always _knew how to fix things right again. Carlos would have done anything to be able to fix Logan. Actually, he would have done anything to fix Logan weeks ago.

Suddenly, the hospital floor seemed _very _comfortable, and Carlos gave into his exhaustion. He drifted off to sleep, and was extremely disoriented when Kendall woke him up a few hours later.

* * *

James ran his comb through his already perfect hair. He wasn't doing it to look good, he was doing it for comfort. The feeling of the teeth sliding through was so familiar, he could practically see the tension flowing out of him. Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't still a ball of nerves.

Kendall had cried.

If James had to pick the scariest, most terrifying thing that could ever happen, it would probably be Kendall crying. Seeing him so upset wiped the hope out of James. He didn't care if the doctors said Logan was going to be okay, Kendall obviously thought he wasn't, so that meant he wasn't.

Whether or not he and the others were aware of it, they all had a child-like dependence of Kendall. He was the one to lead them through every step of their lives, and they had complete and utter faith in him.

James stared blankly at Logan, who was sleeping across from his spot in the hard, blue, plastic, hospital chair. He was done crying, but he wasn't happy. He was just… numb. All he could feel was a coil of hatred bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. Kendall may have gotten revenge on Jimmy Nixon, but he sure hadn't.

**This just flowed guys. I don't even know how it happened; it just came out of me. IT WAS NUTS! Like, I have finally fallen in love with this. Aftermath is my new baby.**

**Hey guys! Yeah, you! I have a TWITTER ACCOUNT! I know you're all excited for the DL on all things fanfic so follow me! That, and I looooooooooove making internet friends. It's MCheekyBrunette, okay? YAY! FRIENDS FOR FOREVER!**


	6. Chapter 6

Logan's entire body ached. Every fiber of his being felt like it had been flipped inside out and stomped on. Each movement he made sent a white-hot flash of pain running though his sore limbs.

Logan had been awake, feigning sleep, for about a half hour. He had woken up to Mrs. Knight telling James she was going off to find Kendall and Carlos, who had apparently ran out a while ago. Logan could feel James's eyes on him as he lay there, waiting for him to wake up, but he couldn't handle him yet. As soon as he opened his eyes, he knew he would be peppered with questions he didn't know the answer to yet. He just needed time to think.

'_I should have listened,'_ he told himself. The first thing Carlos and James had wanted to do was tell Kendall, but Logan made them promise not to. Now, he was in a hospital bed.

At the time, he told himself that he didn't want to bother Kendall, that he could handle it. He said it wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't a total lie.

Logan knew that Kendall had to work and study if he was going to play hockey, and, looking back, he honestly thought that it _wasn't _a problem and that he _could _handle it. But, truthfully, he was just embarrassed.

Tears welled in his closed eyes. He felt dirty, and stupid, and ashamed. Logan let out a sob, and the next thing he knew, James was there, holding his quaking shoulders in his arms.

* * *

Kendall sat next to Carlos, leaning against the wall. The Latino hugged his knees close to his chest, biting his lower lip. "Talk to me," Kendall instructed, and that was all he needed to say. Carlos gave up on being strong and broke down, yet again. His chest constricted, and he gasped for breath through his tears.

"I miss him _so _much," he choked out. His small body shuddered, and he held onto himself even tighter. Kendall rubbed Carlos's arm comfotably and thought about what he had said. He furrowed his brow.

"What do you mean? He's right down the hall, err, halls…" he asked, noticing how lost they were. "He's only been asleep for a few hours. " He missed Logan, too, but Carlos seemed completely torn up about it. He was more upset that Logan was hurt, than sleeping.

"No…" Carlos said, cries subsiding. "He's been gone longer than that." Seeing the lost look on Kendall's face, he elaborated. "He's been acting different."

"How?" Kendall asked, confused. Carlos shook his head. He couldn't explain it like his friends could, he could only feel it. Carlos ran on instinct, and while it didn't get him good grades, he could always "trust his gut". What Carlos didn't know how to say that Logan was acting nervous and twitchy. He couldn't talk about how forced his laugh had been lately or the way he looked over his shoulder when he walked down the hall. Carlos couldn't describe how Logan's smile never reached his fear-filled eyes, or the way he subconsciously ducked behind him and James when people passed in the hallway. It was just a feeling, and a feeling wasn't something he could share.

"It's complicated."

* * *

"I'm so sorry!" Logan wailed, burying his face into James's shoulder, soaking the taller boy's purple t-shirt. He gripped the cloth tightly, knuckles whitening. "Please forgive me. You _have_ to forgive me," he begged, tears rolling down his cheeks. James grabbed Logan's shoulders and bent down to look him in the eye, shocked that Logan would feel the need to apologize. The younger boy's gaze fell to the floor.

"You don't have to be sorry, Logie," he said, not wanting his broken friend to feel guilty for a _second_ about getting beat up.

"You have to forgive me," he blubbered, clearly not hearing anything James was saying. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"Logan..." James said, trying to get his attention. "_Logan!" _he said forcefully, "Look at me... _Look_ at me." Logan obeyed. James's words cut though him like a chain saw, tearing him up. "You did _nothing _wrong, okay? You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"But, but, but I-I'm n-n-not," his panic made him hyperventilate, and he struggled to talk. "I'm not good enough," the words burst out of him, and he turned away in shame. James was horrifyied. How could Logan not think he was good enough? He was _more_ than good enough, he was… he was his Logan! He was _his _Logan, who set his arm while waiting for the ambulance during that hockey game when they were eight. He was _his _Logan who stayed awake with him all night studying for his every history midterm despite having his own. He was _his_ Logan who saved up for months to buy him sneakers, _sneakers,_ for his birthday. How could he not think he was good enough?

"Logan… why do you feel that way?"

* * *

"Then try to explain it to me," Kendall said calmly, expression made of steel. He'd missed too much, and now, he _had_ to find out all that had somehow managed to escape his watchful eye. Carlos sighed.

"He's been…" he searched for words, "nervous." Kendall gave him a hard look.

"For how long?" he asked, knowing that, despite how closely he tried to watch his friends, Carlos would probably notice when something was off before he could. He could somehow always pick up on the mood of a person or room. The Latino dried his eyes with the palm of his hand.

"I don't know… three months?" Kendall gagged.

"Th-three months?" he squeaked. How had this been going on for _three months?_ He knew for a fact that James and Carlos had only known about Jimmy for two weeks, or, at least, that's what they'd said.

"Yeah. I don't know what's been going on for all that time, that's just when I first _defiantly_ picked up on it," Carlos shrugged.

'Defiantly,' Carlos had said, and Kendall knew what he was implying. He, of all people, knew how good Logan was at hiding things. Carlos could have been noticing little bits of this "nervousness" for months before they really began to show. Kendall's chest constricted at the thought of _his_ Logan being scared of something for three months, let alone longer. "Let's go back," he said tensely, voice caught in his thoat.

* * *

Logan sniffed, trying to catch his breath. He spoke quietly, "He said I was… worthless, and I…" he trailed off. "I agree with him," he whispered, almost inaudible, his stomach churning. James was speechless. When he got the chance, he was going to _strangle_ Jimmy.

"Logan, you're no-"

And convieniently, Kendall and Carlos walked into the room.

**I think that can be justified as a mini-cliffy, so I'm sorry. This chapter wasn't as good as the last two, but that's cause I had to get A LOT of stuff out of the way. I hope you didn't mind all the "scene switches". I was gonna do it like, in two blocks, but it just sort of dragged on that way**


	7. Chapter 7

**Guys, I've decided to go on an updating spree, cause I feel like throwing up. Ick. So enjoy the multiple chapters soon to come.**

Logan quickly drew away from James, wiping tears from his eyes. He grinned feebly at his friends. Luckily, they were too shocked to see him awake to notice the moment they were walking in on.

There was a short period of silence, as their brains tried to process everything that was happening and all that they were feeling. "Logie?" Carlos squeaked, voice cracking. His eyes were so filled with hope; Logan's heart broke in two. He offered him a shaky smile.

"I'm right here, buddy," Logan answered, and Carlos nearly melted. It seemed instantaneous; he couldn't even remember moving his feet, but, somehow, he found himself wrapped up in Logan's arms. He went in for a tight hug, but a hiss of pain from Logan made him immediately pull away.

"Sorry," he winced, that all-too-familiar feeling of fear washing over him, but he quickly cast it aside. Logan was awake, and nothing else mattered. Not even the bruises that covered him. Carlos's eyes quickly overflowed with tears, and the girly concept of happy-crying suddenly wasn't so foreign to him anymore. He sat on the edge of Logan's bed, gripping his injured friend's hand and simply smiling at him. It was all that he was capable of. Carlos couldn't have been made happier.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kendall and James were having a silent conversation above their heads. At this point in their relationship, the boys were capable of having a whole conversation with their eyes.

James gave Kendall a hard look, and it was obvious that James needed to talk to him. He pleaded for a second with Logan, but James's expression said that this had to happen _now_. Kendall relented, and the duo stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

"What?" Kendall asked, impatiently, dying to talk to Logan. He had to apologize, he had to comfort him, he had to prove to him that he wasn't a dead beat frien-

"Don't be mad, okay?" James asked, voice low and husky in the hospital's quiet. Kendall's focus on Logan and Carlos through the door's window was immediately thrust on James.

"What?" he asked, eerily calm.

"It's sort of complicated…" he trailed off, but the murderous look in Kendall's eyes inspired him to keep going. "Well, it's like this-"

* * *

"It's good to see you," Logan told Carlos. His vision blurred with tears, but he was still able to see the happy shine in Carlos's eye.

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that to you?" he asked, joking dryly. "_Where's my head at?"_ he wondered. He had felt like the life had been sucked out of him after seeing Logan in a hospital bed, but he was determined to get it back. He looked at Logan's beaten body. "Does it hurt?" he gulped, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Not that much," Logan lied, stupidly shifting positions, sending a wave of pain shooting through him.

"Liar," Carlos smiled. Logan grinned ack.

"Yeah…"

* * *

"Logan?"

"Yep."

"_Our_ Logan?"

"Yep."

"He said that?"

"Yes!" James cried, exasperated. Kendall's face paled.

"Oh." His stomach pent up in knots. How could Logan think that about himself? Ever since they met, he was constantly helping him. In fact, it wasn't at all uncommon for Kendall to feel like he didn't deserve Logan. The kid was smart, honest, generous… Frankly, Kendall would be happy to be considered half the friend Logan was to him.

"So, what are you gonna do?" James asked, his voice breaking through his thoughts.

"I don't know," Kendall replied. It was probably the last answer James wanted to hear. "Just… Just don't tell Carlos," he warned. "Not yet, anyway. He's quick to react, and I need to think about this.

"Okay," James responded. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got at Jimmy. He took a calming breath and followed Kendall back into Logan's room.

**That took forever to type. Next chapter is going to be really boring with a cliff hanger, and then after that it should be REALLY intense. So if that doesn't get you mad at me, I don't know what will. But I'll do it as fast as I can, so…**

**I feel gross. It's AWFUL!**

**Sorry if their emotions were all over the place. I feel like they just made no sense, so sorry. Bare with me.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Stop callin', stop callin'! I don't wanna talk anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor! **

**Dude, I wish I was well and old enough to go party. **

**Guys, sorry if they all seem a little OC, lately. It feels like they have. Next chapter, I vow to do better.**

**Hmmmm…. Oh Logie. What to do with you?**

Logan's eye caught Kendall's as he walked into the room, and he knew James had told him. He shot an angry glance at James, which didn't go unnoticed by Kendall. '_Did he not want me to know?' _he wondered, feeling hurt. It seemed like Logan didn't want to tell him anything lately. Carlos noticed the tension in the room.

"Woooooah," he drawled. "Everything okay here?"

"Fine," they all answered a little too quickly, but Carlos let it drop. It probably would be best if he didn't know, anyway. They were all quiet for awhile, which was unusual. Normally, all four boys were talk-aholics, but, strangely, they were all at a loss for words. Thankfully, it wasn't long before Mrs. Knight returned.

"Oh, thank goodness," she breathed, having found her boys. Her eyes fell on the hospital bed, where she found an awake Logan. "Honey!" she wailed, rushing in over. "I'm so glad you're up!" she exclaimed, holding his face in her hands and kissing his forehead. He flinched away slightly, but she remained undeterred and gave him a gentle hug.

"Hi Mrs. Knight," Logan greeted her awkwardly. She gave him a empathetic smile. Ever since his mom had died a few years ago, he wasn't exactly good with other mothers. He had gotten better, but at moments like these, when he really wanted his real one, it pained him to see her. She glanced own at her watch.

"Oh my gosh!" she yelped, shrugging on her jacket and slinging her purse around her shoulder. "I need to go pick up Katie from Libby's!" Her daughter had spent the night with her friend while they spent theirs in the hospital. They had enough to worry about, let alone an eight-year-old girl. "Get some rest," she instructed, and, with a peck on each boy's cheek, left to go get Katie.

Kendall opened his mouth to say something, but then noticed Logan was already conked out. "Let's follow his lead, guys," he whispered, his own weariness getting the better of him.

Carlos squished in with Logan on his bed, careful not to lie on any of the wires or tubes. James got in the unoccupied bed next to Logan's and shut his eyes. Kendall turned off the lights before flopping down next to him.

It wasn't long before all four boys were asleep.

* * *

Logan's tossing woke Carlos brutally, knocking him off the thin hospital bed and onto the floor. His head cracked on the bedside table, but Carlos always wore his helmet to sleep for that reason, and was fine. He woke up, disoriented. As memories of his time in the hospital came flooding back, the hurt he had been feeling earlier smothered him. He hyperventilated for a few moments, but calmed down long enough to catch a glimpse at Logan.

His heart stopped.

"Kendall?" he called. Within seconds, the older boy was at his side. A bleary eyed James struggled to wake up behind them.

"Oh my gosh."

**What could be happening. Don't tell me, his heart stopped? Just kidding, I vow on my life, the only one who I will allow to die is Jimmy, and I might not even kill him off.**

**The next chapter is really… graphic. Like, it contains the flash back of what sent Logan in the hospital, and it's so… not violent, not angsty. It's like… I don't know. On the verge of disturbing. Like, I'm not sure about it. I think I'll switch Jimmy's weapon of choice to something less horrific because right now it sounds like Year 3000 wrote it.**

**Do you guys know Year 3000? Her work is disturbing in a wonderful, James angsty sort of way. I recommend it. Especially Blood Atonement.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Guys sorry if these aren't that great. I don't really feel like writing, but everyone else is, and I wanna get in on the action.**

**It's super windy here. Crazed up man.**

* * *

Logan thrashed in his sheets. Cold thick sweat coated him, his neck strained as he subconsciously held back screams. His eyes were shut up tight against the unknown force in his dream. His muscles tensed as the nightmare plagued him.

* * *

"_Awww, Logie! I'm so glad you came to see me," Jimmy slurred with mock sweetness. The scattered beer cans in the ally proved he wasn't exactly 'running dry'. _

_He reached out and stroked Logan's bruised cheek. The smaller boy shuddered under his touch, jaw tensing. "Are you scared, Honey?" he asked, feeling Logan tremble. He ran his fingers gently through his spiky black hair, and then spontaneously gripped it tight, jerking Logan's head up and around. He smashed his face into the wall, smiling at his own strength. "Cause you should be."_

_Logan bit back a cry as Jimmy dragged him across the brick. It bit into his skin, leaving thin red scratches behind, clashing against his pale skin Logan made a mistake and whimpered. Jimmy's amused expression was replaced with anger and he whipped him around. He punched him across the face, and Logan could taste blood in his mouth._

_Logan took it silently, careful not to let any of the tears pricking at his eyes to spill. Jimmy only punched harder when he cried._

_A knee connected to Logan's stomach, and he doubled over, sucking in air. Before he could catch his breath, Jimmy kicked him, heel digging into his rib cage. He heard them crack under Jimmy's strength. Logan fell to the ground, unable to stay standing. _

_He felt a strong hand grip his head, which was slammed onto the pavement. Jimmy smiled at the satisfyingly wet sound it made as it hit, and Logan fought for consciousness. "This is what you get for turning me into the cops," he spat. "No one gets between me and my drugs." _

_He kicked Logan's body, refusing to let any part of him go unpunished._

_Soon, he ran out of steam, and Jimmy stood above his lying body, panting. Slowly, he backed up and snatched his backpack that had been leaning against the dumpster. Despite Logan's rapidly blurring vision, he could still make out Jimmy revealing his new toy. He had just enough time to brace himself before it hit him._

_Jimmy laughed as the terror written so clearly on Logan's face instantaneously contorted into one of agony._

_A taser._

_He held it against the boy's torso, feeling the device vibrate with electricity in his hand. Logan's body didn't exactly know what to do with itself. He squirmed in attempt to get away, acting on instinct, and rolled onto his stomach. Jimmy pulled away and forced the object into the small of his back. _

_Each place Jimmy tased stung, feeling like each cell was burning on the inside. Fire wrapped around the now numerous places Jimmy had hit. Logan tried to scream, but no sound came out. There was a sudden pause in the attacks, and he breathed for the first time in what felt like forever._

_He heard a popping noise a few split milliseconds before two intense balls of energy dug into him. The electricity coursing through his veins was excruciating. His back arched as it surged though him. His endurance was mercifully short lived, and he passed out._

* * *

Logan woke up, screaming. He curled his knees to his chest as he lay in bed, ignoring the seemingly eternal pain consuming him with every movement. His nerves were literally fried. He sobbed uncontrollably, body wracking. He was vaguely aware of his friends holding him but couldn't feel their loving touch.

His chest heaved with his cries.

At some point, he could remember himself gagging out, "H-h-h-he-he-he h-h-hurt _everything!_" he gasped between breaths. Nausea rolled in his stomach.

His friends didn't respond. After all, what could they say?

Logan was crying so hard, he didn't even notice when the doctors put him to sleep.

* * *

**I have a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here… You are the only exception, you are the only exception. SUCH A GOOD SONG!**

**Sorry if my taser views are wrong. I did do research, and what's going on is he's using a "Drive Stun" setting, where you can hold it up to whoever and it hurts like heck in just one area without making the person go unconscious. Then he actually shoots it, which releases a lot more, cause it's not grounded and sends pain through the entire nervous system, making the person go unconscious.**

**So yep.**


	10. Chapter 10

**And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness, cause none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception. (this song has been on repeat for an hour and a half) **

**I don't know what to do…. Oh well. I'm diving in.**

* * *

The boys sat on the floor outside of Logan's room, wrapped up in their own thoughts. '_When Logan wakes up, it'll be fine again.'_ That's what they had all thought, anyway. It was now painfully obvious that there was more to it than that. Seeing Logan cry like he had…

It was terrifying. All three boys would give anything to prevent going through it. They were just glad Mrs. Knight and Katie hadn't been around to see Logan freak out like he had.

Kendall sat on the floor, mind churning. The doctors had put him to sleep, but Kendall didn't like it. Just because he wasn't screaming, who's to say he wasn't having another nightmare. The thought of him being trapped with Jimmy in his mind was unbearable. Kendall couldn't help getting angry. How could Jimmy even think he could do something to _anyone, _let alone _his _Logan. It was completely and utterly detestable. He was so mad-

Wait.

Kendall was _mad_. All the hurt, the fear, the anxiousness was compiling itself into anger. His eyes widened as he finally realized at how sad and scared his friends were. They sat next to him, heads down, eyes full of tears.

Kendall shook his head. He was _done_ with his pity party, it was time to step up and be a leader. Kendall Knight was _back_, folks, and he was determined to make up for the slacking he had done earlier. "Guys, huddle up," he instructed. James and Carlos looked at him mournfully. "Now," he said forcefully, and they begrudgingly complied.

"What are we doing?" Carlos asked, confused.

"Talk to me," Kendall ordered. Carlos looked hesitantly at James. Not that he didn't trust him with his life, but there were some things that only Kendall knew about him.

"Can't we do this alone?" The blonde shook his head.

"Right here, man." Carlos wasn't sure what Kendall was trying to do, but a quick glance to James showed that the other boy was there for him. He sighed.

"It was scary," he admitted, hugging himself, feeling extremely uncomfortable. Kendall nodded, waiting for him to continue. "He… he was shaking. And crying. I just want it to be better." He spoke slowly, still not ready to give in. But, a comforting hand on his shoulder from James broke down the fragile wall Carlos had been holding up. Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm so sick of being sad, and scared, and worried, and wondering if it's going to get better because I don't think it ever _is,_" he said, finishing quickly to get it all out before being overtaken by his emotions.

"Alright, James. Talk to me," Kendall commanded, satisfied with Carlos for the moment. James looked at him surprised. Apparently, it was good enough for Carlos, but not for him.

"Me?" he asked, shocked.

"I said 'James', didn't I?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. He watched as James pulled away from Carlos, who still had tears streaking down his face, and bit his lip awkwardly. Kendall scooted over and wrapped around Carlos's shoulder. The Latino nuzzled into him, craving the comfort he provided, and rested his head on his shoulder. "So talk to me."

"I don't want t-" he started, but a look at Carlos's stopped him. "It was scary," he said meekly, caving. Kendall gestured for him to continue. "He looked so… helpless. He was smaller and weaker. When I put my arms around him… it was like hugging a yard stick, he was so thin. It makes me wonder what he's _really _been going through, you know? Like, what has he been leaving out?" James felt his chest constrict as he threatened to start sobbing. "To think he's been… hurting, for longer than he's letting on…" he sniffed, "I _hate_ that." Soon, James was crying, and it was his turn to be hugged.

"I hate this," Carlos choked, still upset. James pulled away from their touch.

"Your turn, Kendall. Talk to us," he instructed. "How do you feel?" Kendall smiled and shook his head.

"Me?" he laughed, "Oh, I'm _back_."

* * *

**I don't like how I ended this one. **

**BTW, I purposefully have been making Carlos extremely trusting though out this. I think they pass him off as being carefree or stupid in the show, but I just think he puts a lot of trust in others, so when they're lying or tell him the wrong thing, he believes it. **

**I'm gonna go, puke my guts up now… so… (the worst thing is, I'm sick on a Saturday. What good is being sick, if you can't miss school?)**


	11. Chapter 11

'**Sup people of the Americas and beyond. I have absolutely NO plan for this chapter! Yay! **

**Have you guys ever taken Advil with grape juice? Ugh, it's disgusting. DON'T DO IT! I've been horribly insomniatic lately. The plan is to take Benodryll at, like, six, so I'll be passed out on the couch or something by seven. I. Need. SLEEP!**

The boys waited for Logan, but, somehow, it wasn't that bad this time around. The atmosphere was much happier with so much off their chests and Kendall acting so normal. They sat around talking about hockey, shocker, and who would win in a fight: a rubber duck or a ping pong ball. Fortunately, their conversation was short lived because Logan was up and at 'em in no time.

"I think we should see him one at a time," Kendall suggested, and was met with mutual nods. They generally got more out of Logan when he was just talking to one of them, and they were all dying for some alone time with him anyway.

Kendall, being Kendall, took the lead and went in first. "Hey, Loges," he said with a calm smile as he walked into the room. Logan gave him a crooked look. This wasn't the sad, worried Kendall he had been growing used to for his past couple _conscious_ hours. He seemed… stronger now. More like how he was supposed to be.

"Hey, Kenny," he replied, not meeting his eyes. His chest tightened in anticipation. Knowing Kendall, he was about to enter a heart-wrenching conversation about himself, which is somewhere he did _not_ want to go. His pulse sped up as he became more anxious. Kendall took a seat on the empty bed next to Logan, still unmade from when he and James had slept in it.

"So, why don't you feel good enough?" Kendall asked, getting straight to the point. Logan fumbled with his bed sheets.

"I don't know." Kendall crossed his arms in disbelief and cocked an eyebrow expectantly. Logan sighted. "He told me I wasn't," he said with a shrug.

"But why did you believe him?" Kendall questioned. Logan fell silent for a moment.

"Because he said it a lot," he answered, biting his lip, and Kendall's heart dropped. He stared at the shrunken figure that had become his best friend. He was almost unnaturally skinny, almost being swallowed by his kid's hospital nightgown, but he always had been. What was shocking was how pale he was. His skin had an unhealthy translucency to it, which was frightening.

"Logie," he spoke softly, "why didn't you tell us?" Logan's cheeks flushed red. He fumbled with his bed sheets.

"It's embarrassing," he choked out. His eyes were swimming with tears that fell fast as he talked. "You always have to take care of me, and hold my hand. I just wanted to be stronger and braver like you guys are." His voice cracked, and speed of his words picked up. "I just wanted to handle it on my own, but I couldn't. I'm just too weak, too small, and too powerless," he spoke earnestly, truthfully believing everything he was saying. "I'm ugly, and dirty, and untouchable, and I'm so _sorry,_" he breathed the word, "I couldn't be a better person for you guys-" but he was cut off by a smothering hug from Kendall.

"Logie?" he said after a minute, unseen tears rolling down his face.

"Yeah," the younger boy strained.

"Don't you ever say any of those things about yourself again, okay? You're better than that."

"Kendall-"

"No," he cut him off, refusing to hear it. "I don't want to have any talk about how 'true' it is," he commanded, still gripping Logan tightly. "You're smart, so you _have_ to understand how wrong you are!" he said desperately. Kendall moved his grip on the smaller boy to around his neck, pulling him in closer, but then let him go, holding Logan away from him to look him in the eyes. "If you were weak, you couldn't have faced him. If you weren't brave, you wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret so long. And if you were dirty or untouchable, which you are so _not_, then I wouldn't have held you right now." Logan looked to his feet at the end of the bed.

"I don't know…"

"Logan, you are the strongest person I've ever met. I still don't know how you make it thought the day after…" he trailed off, gulping, not wanting talk of Logan's mother to spoil things. Logan looked at him with wet eyes.

"I should have told you," he said mournfully, but Kendall shook his head.

"I should have known. This is my fault, not yours." He looked Logan dead on and said, "Nothing bad that _ever_ happens to you will _ever_ be your fault."

And with that, Kendall hugged him goodbye and left the room, leaving the door wide open for…

James.

**I hated the original copy of this chapter. It was BAD, so now I have this one which is okay. Not next chapter, but the one after that, it's sort of INTENSE!**

**I'm so psyched!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I need sleep. I've probably gotten 6 collective hours of sleep over the past four nights. I have horrid insomnia. I think I actually said that last chapter… Ugh, that's a sign of how tired I am.**

"He's all yours," Kendall whispered in James's ear as he passed him in the door way James gave him a curt nod and went in to Logan. He folded himself in at the foot of Logan's bed, back resting against the foot board and grabbing his smaller friend's ankles protectively.

As usual, a long period of silence devoured them as they fought to face the elephant in the room.

"I'm sorry, James," Logan whispered, breaking the all-too-consuming quiet.

"Don't be, Logie," James said earnestly. "You're just… scaring me." He took a shaky breath and ran a hand through his already messy hair. His gaze fell to Logan's knees. "It's like, you couldn't trust us, and you know you can, so I don't understand why you didn't." His eyes flickered upward, and he gasped at the tears falling down Logan's face, who was struggling to wipe them away, embarrassed. James scooted up next to him on the bed and gripped his hands. "No, no, it's okay! I'm sorry!" Logan sniffled.

"I messed up so bad, James," he gurgled, voice wet from crying. James felt his heart clench, and he shook his head frantically.

"No, don't feel that way, you were trapped!" He yelped, voice high with panic as he struggled to explain how he felt to Logan. It was at times like these where he wished he had Kendall's way of words to help him in moments like these, where his wouldn't do.

"I ruined everything!" Logan wailed, distressed. "And now you're all upset and crying, and I hate it." He wiped his nose. "I don't want you guys upset because of me!"

"Logan," James spoke softly, "don't worry about it, okay? We love you, and you're hurt. That's why we're sad, not because of anything you've done." He looked at Logan, pleading desperately he'd understand. The shorter boy was very quiet for a moment as he thought this over.

"Maybe," he whispered, and then his voice dropped, becoming almost inaudible, "you shouldn't love me anymore."

James's heart broke.

He wrapped around Logan's waist, and lay his head on his stomach, fighting his urge to just cry himself into a puddle, like he had been doing all day. "Logan don't you ever say that!" he wailed, then babbled, "Don't ever act like I could take losing you. You mean too much to me for that to happen, and I couldn't last without you. I'd miss your confusing smart talk and your flash cards. I'd miss your corny jokes and losing to you at racing on the ice. I'd miss how flustered you get when we talk about girls. I'd miss leaning on your shoulder, and you leaning on mine. I-I-I'd m-m-m-" he broke off, giving into his sobs and soaking Logan's hospital gown through, drowning the wide-eyed owls with graduation caps covering it. He felt Logan's arms wrap around him.

"I just don't want you sad," Logan said, holding back tears himself. James clutched him a little tighter.

"Logan, so long as you three are with me, I could never be sad."

James found it incredibly difficult to let go of Logan. With the threat of losing him, it was all but impossible to let him out of his sight.

But it was Carlos's turn.

**Okay, I know. Short. But if I combined Carlos's turn with this it would be FOREVER long. So the next chapter will be pretty short, too, and very intense. Plus, you know, Kendall got his own, and it wouldn't be right if Jams and Carlos didn't. **

**BTW: When James says "No, no, it's okay!" I imagine him saying it like Hiccup to Toothless when he's trying to attach his new tail fin to him in How To Train Your Dragon, which I SOOO wish I owned, but I don't. Sob. **

**AUTHOR FACT: I can quote that ^movie from beginning to end. Yep. Like, if you asked me, I'd do it right now.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Every BTR song I listen to, I can never sing the beginning because I'm too busy resisting the urge to scream. Like, I'm so serious about that, that I'm sad… SOB! **

**I swear, I am so sick of the water works. I promise, last chapter and then Logan's pretty much done crying. He'll be unnervingly stoic, which is better than crying in my opinion anyway. Kendall's done with the tears. Carlos is NOT, defiantly not. And James might not be…**

Carlos walked into the room, holding a big, blue, lab coat-wearing elephant. "Albert!" Logan squealed, fear filled eyes lighting up. Carlos smiled, handing him the stuffed animal, which Logan snatched from his hands, cuddling it to his face.

"I rushed home to get him while you were talking to the guys," Carlos explained, looking proud of himself. "I know you still like to have him when you're…" he trailed off. Logan had gone through a _lot_ with that elephant, and it wasn't anything he wanted to bring up. "Sorry," he said with a wince, sitting cross legged in the chair next to Logan's bed.

"It's cool, man," Logan said, smile fading a little.

Carlos bit his lip, sensing the drop in the boy's enthusiasm. "Logan? Why aren't you ever happy anymore?" he blurted, then struggled not to slap a hand over his mouth.

The raven haired boy's head snapped up, startled. He hadn't been expecting this kind of conversation from Carlos. "Um… I don't…" he stammered, searching for answers. "I'm happy," he said weakly, then caught the look on Carlos's face, "Aren't I?"

"Not really."

"Oh." Logan didn't say anything else.

"Is it about Jimmy?" Carlos asked after a bit of silence. Logan shook his head. "Is it school?"

"No." Logan's eyes dug into him uncomfortably, searching. Carlos squirmed under the weight of his stare. Logan wavered, as if he was deciding something. "Can I trust you with something?" Logan asked uncertainly. He gripped his sheets so hard, his knuckles whitened.

"Logan, you can trust all of us-"

"No." Logan cut Carlos off. "I mean, can I trust _just_ you?" When he didn't get a response he continued, "I mean… I'm just… I'm just not ready for everyone to know yet." Carlos scratched his head. He was sounding vaguely like he had when he'd ask him and James not to tell Kendall about Jimmy. He chewed his thumb nail.

"I don't know, man…"

"Please?" Logan begged, looking at him desperately. "I-I can't keep this to myself anymore. I just wanna-wanna-" he broke down for what felt like the eightieth time that day. Carlos went to hold him, just as he friends had done, but Logan shrugged him off. Carlos was crestfallen.

"Then tell all of us, not just me, Logie. We can help you. All of us can." Logan shook his head, unable to speak he was crying so hard. He pulled his elephant tight against his heaving chest. _'I wish I was Kendall'_ the Latino thought, knowing he'd know exactly what to do.

He stood awkwardly, watching Logan and saying things like, "It's okay, it'll be okay!" He tried to comfort him but Logan wouldn't let him anywhere near him.

It became out of hand when Logan started literally choking on his hears. When Carlos tried to help him, he was pushed away yet again. Carlos watched in horror as his best friend crumbled in front of his eyes.

He couldn't handle this.

He backed away, petrified, from Logan and ran to the door. "Kendall? KENDALL?" he called bursting into the hallway, sobbing. The blond was instantaneously with him, holding his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" he asked sternly. Carlos wiped his running nose on his sleeve.

"It's Logan, he's-he's-" but Kendall was already gone. James wrapped an arm around Carlos's shoulder and tried to lead him into the hospital bedroom, but Carlos wouldn't move. "I can't g-g-go in there." His teeth chattered, he was so worked up. James nodded, rubbing his arm comfortingly.

"Shh… it's okay. Let's go for a walk," he offered, pulling him away.

"I-I-I'm sorry," Carlos hiccupped, and James shook his head. "It's okay, man. It's Saturday and the caf will definitely have pudding," James assured him, speaking from experience. Carlos forced a smile, but not even pudding was enough to make his heavy heart feel better.

**I've decided that I refer to them as my children too much. Like, it's starting to get creepy how maternal I am over them. Like, they were eating chocolate pudding In BTMansion, and you have no idea how much I wanted to lick my thumb and rub it off. A **_**normal **_**fan girl, would want to kiss it off or something. Not me, man. I want to get all "mommy" on them. **

**DRAT! Right after writing that I saw a cute pic of them and clapped going "my babies!". This is… not good.**


	14. Chapter 14

**IOINSLFKNPAWEFAVNA;WIENAS;KFNALDKGFNAWIEFNLAKDSFAVNE**_**! **_**I KEEP WRTING THIS CHAPTER, AND I KEEP HATING IT! GAH!**

**I could seriously strangle myself, I'm so mad at this, so sorry if it's crap, but I'm on the verge of giving up, you feel me?**

Kendall burst in the room, and was shocked with what he saw.

Logan had pulled on the now clean pants he had worn in underneath his hospital gown and shrugged James's hoodie on over top. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, tugging on his socks and sneakers. His IV's were dripping onto the floor, and all the machines previously hooked up to him had deadpanned.

"Um, where do you think you're going?" Kendall asked, crossing his arms. Logan's eyes flickered up at him nervously, and then went back to the laces he was tying.

"Home?" he answered, phrasing it more like a question, knowing full well that if Kendall didn't want him to go, he wasn't going. Kendall slammed the door closed behind him, standing solidly in front of it. Logan sighed. "So I guess that's a no?" Kendall looked murderous.

"How could you ever think it'd be a yes? Logan, you're _hurt_. Lie back down. I'll go get the doctor so he can," he wiggled his fingers at the dangling tubes and wires, "reconnect you," he said uncomfortably.

Logan looked distressed.

* * *

Carlos scratched his chin, staring intently at his pudding choices. "You see, chocolate has a surprisingly rich flavor, whereas the light, tastiness of vanilla can defiantly be appreciated…" Carlos babbled on, completely distracted by 'the awesomest incrediblest yummiest awesomest food _ever_'. James's mind, however, was whirling.

What wasn't Carlos telling him? He'd asked on the way down, but the Latino's lips were sealed, and James didn't want to press it. He doubted Carlos reliving what he now referred to as 'the moment' would help him get anymore answers out of him.

He had seemed so worked up. James was completely and utterly sick of having to see him like that. Carlos was normally so bright and… enthusiastic, to put it nicely. Seeing him so upset was unnerving. If it was up to James, none of his friends would ever cry again. Of course, that wasn't exactly an option.

"Carlos," he addressed the younger boy, working up his courage. "I need to talk to you."

* * *

"You can't tell me not to go!" Logan fought back desperately, knowing it was useless. Kendall raised an eyebrow. Logan squirmed under his stare, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and wincing as he touched the bruise that had formed there. His body felt like it was on fire, but, you know, being tasered seemed to have that effect on people.

"Why do you _want _to go?" Kendall asked him seriously, and puffing out his chest as if to intimidate. Sometimes Logan just needed a little push to talk. Logan laced his fingers through his hair nervously.

"It's not like I want to, it's just, he wouldn't, but, I don't know… it's not important," he mumbled incoherently. Kendall picked apart his words, making sense of some of it.

"Who is this 'he' who's making you do things you don't want to, that could possibly _hurt_ you?" the blonde asked, ready to tear whoever it was apart. Logan bit his lip.

"He's not _making _me do anything really," he admitted, "it's just- woah, woah, wait," Logan caught himself. "I said it's not important."

* * *

"What was up with Logan," James asked finally, his curiousity getting the better of him as Carlos shoveled his pudding into his mouth. The loaded spoon stopped in midair.

"Whaddya mean?" Carlos asked, refusing to meet James's eyes. He scooted his chair a little closer to the Latino, searching his expression for any giveaways.

"I mean," James began patiently, "why did you come out of Logan's hospital room sobbing?" Carlos bit his lip, feeling nauseous. This isn't exactly a conversation he wanted to be having right now. Let alone at all.

"He was attached to all those wires and I wa-" the skeptical look James was shooting him cut him off. "Logan was going to tell me something," he stirred his pudding. "Something… something I wouldn't be _allowed_ to you guys." He said, becoming ever interested at everything that wasn't James's face. James's eyebrows knit together as he processed what Carlos was saying.

"Like… like a Jimmy thing?" Carlos squirmed.

"I don't know. He was crying really hard, and" he held back tears himself, "he wouldn't let me near him. I didn't know what to do, so I left to get Kendall…" he trailed off, unwanted memories flooding his mind. James pushed his pudding a little closer to him, and Carlos forgot everything immediately, attacking his 'favoritest food' happily.

* * *

"Is this about Jimmy?" Kendall questioned him, becoming angry.

"No," Logan said squeamishly.

"Then who?"

"No one."

"But you think he would rather you're home?"

"Yes."

"Then _who_?" Kendall asked, frustrated.

"No one." Kendall groaned, exasperated. Logan was so _stubborn_ when it came to talking about himself. Luckily for Kendall, he was worse. He cracked his knuckles, dragging a chair across from Logan and taking a seat.

"_Who?" _Logan pursed his lips together and sat on his hands, feeling the dead weight of Kendall's hard stare. After a moment, when it was painfully obvious Logan wasn't going to say anything, he tried again. "Logan, _who?_" There were another few minutes of silence. It was time to pull out the big guns. Kendall pouted, "Come on, Logie, tell me who!" he begged. Logan wavered.

"My dad."

**Yeesh. I don't like it.**

**YO! Blooper alert. Okay, so in Big Time Mansion, in their montage where they clean up the house, it ends with Logan, Carlos, and James letting go of the newly glued together statue. BUT THEN when Gustavo comes home Mrs. Knight is counting down the seconds for it to dry. IT WAS ALREADY DONE! **


	15. Chapter 15

Kendall was walking down the hospital hallway, replaying the conversation he just had with Logan in his room in his mind. The doctor was hooking Logan back up to IVs, wires, and tubes, and Kendall didn't have the guts to stay in the room and watch. It was too unnerving.

Kendall could pretty much punch himself in the face. So much was going on in Logan's life, and he had had no idea. His stomach twisted. Where was he when Logan's life was falling apart? He had been studying through Jimmy Nixon, but Logan's problems with his dad? He had _been _there! And to think about the obvious signs that they were having problems… Mr. Mitchell hadn't even shown up at the hospital!

Apparently, Logan's dad was horribly neglectful. From what Kendall had gathered, Logan was doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, and all the shopping. Mr. Mitchell would leave for weeks at a time on business trips, not even telling his son he was going on them, and just leaving cash on the kitchen table without even a not. Logan would have no idea where he was, what he was doing, or when he would be coming home. When he was home, Kendall doubted he even _talked_ to Logan, let alone praise him for all the good work he'd been doing.

Kendall rubbed away the exhaustion from his face. He didn't have a dad, but he _did_ have a mom. When his dad left, his mom was there to pick up the pieces, and, truthfully, his mom was amazing. She was so loving, it completely made up for his dad's absence. If his mom had ignored him when he lost _his _parent, he didn't know what he'd do. To think that scenario actually _happened _to _his_ Logie? It was incomprehensible.

Kendall pulled out his phone and dialed the familiar number. It didn't even have to ring once before his mom picked up. "Kendall, sweetie, are you okay?" she asked, voice crackling due to the poor cell service. He smiled faintly.

"Yeah… Mom, do you love me?" he asked, not sure what the reasoning was behind it. He could practically see the shocked look on his mother's face as she fumbled with whatever she was doing.

"Honey, of course! Why would you think anything else?" she squealed, worked up. "You're my baby, you're my son!" she exclaimed, "Do you not feel loved?" Kendall shook his head, despite the fact that she couldn't see him.

"No, not at all. Just checking, I guess…" he trailed off as another question spiraled in his mind. "Do you love Logan?" he asked, hoping for the answer he needed to hear.

"Of course, honey! He's your friend!" Kendall shifted uncomfortably, wincing.

"I don't mean like that. Do you love him like you love me?" he questioned, feeling awkward with the conversation. Memories from the day swirled in his mind. Logan needed an adult to love him, and he was really hoping his mom could be that person. She was just so great to him, and he wanted her to be that great for Logan.

"Honey, I love Carlos, James _and_ Logan as much as I love you and Katie," she responded. And Kendall sighed in relief.

"Could you tell him that sometime?" Kendall waited with baited breath for her answer.

"Of course!" she answered, and then paused. "Sweetie, is there something going on?" Kendall bit his lip, wondering how much to tell her.

"No, I was just… thinking," he breathed. He thought for a little bit, his mother quiet on the other side of the line. "Mom?" he said, pulling himself out of his mind. "Thank you."

"Sure, whatever Logan needs."

"No," Kendall said, flicking his bangs out of his eyes. "I mean… thank you for everything. From, like," he struggled for words. He was a guy, this wasn't exactly his 'thing'. "Dad to doing our laundry."

"You're welcome, honey," his mother responded, sounding a bit taken aback. "Are you sure nothing's going on?" she asked, confused. Kendall nodded.

"Yeah, mom. Everything's good." They said good bye, and Kendall flipped his phone closed, slipping it back in his pocket. He followed the hallway, letting it take him where it wanted it go, mulling over everything that was going on. Mostly about Logan, and how he seemed to be slipping through his fingers. It was like, he'd spent so many years supporting him and holding him up, and recently he'd just been dropping him. He hated the idea that he'd been letting him down.

His thoughts also fell on Carlos and James. They weren't exactly handling things well, and he didn't like the idea of them getting deeper into this. His feet were already wedged in, and it didn't feel good. He didn't want Carlos and James to be in the same place. However, there were two problems with that. One, they already seemed to have an idea that something was up, now more than ever. Two, they _wanted_ to be engrained.

Carlos and James loved Logan just as much as he did. Quite honestly, all three boys felt a bit maternal over him, which was, granted, a weird feeling for a guy, but that's just how it was. Logan had been the one they watched over for so long, it was just natural to look over him at this point. They weren't just going to sit back and let Kendall handle everything when _their _Logan needed them.

He grew angrier and angrier as all the absolute _crap_ that was Jimmy Nixon and Mr. Mitchell ran through his brain. His fists clenched, and he grinded his teeth together.

And that's when he stumbled across the druggie kid himself's hospital room. Kendall opened his eyes wide in shock, and then glared at Jimmy as he lay unconscious in his bed. He pulled out his phone. "James?" Kendall greeted him as he answered the phone. "Leave Carlos with Logan and come to room 345," he instructed, shooting another distasteful glance at Jimmy.

"And, James. Carlos and Logan don't have to know."

**Well, this was fun. **

**DUDES! You guys know What Not To Wear? I just watched "Denise", and I… I'm so mad. Like, this girl made me genuinely ANGRY! Why, why, why can't she just dress like a normal human being? Like, STOP DRESSING LIKE BARBIE! START DRESSING LIKE A HUMAN! Oh my gosh. Just... no. Like, people are entitled to their own style and all that good jazz, but Stacy and Clinton just taught you how to dress all right and they did your makeup and hair so you look normal, WHY CAN'T YOU STAY THAT WAY, YOU LOOKED SO GOOOOOOOOD!**

**Eh-hem.**

**Anyway, sorry it took so long! I just had to do a million one shots. Yeah…**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm starting to feel over loaded. But I just can't. Stop. WRITING! So bear with me as I continue to just write crappy chapters for all of my books.**

**PS: Sorry for making you guys wait, like, nine years. I just don't want this to end, and it's SO CLOSE to being over! I COULD CRY! But I sort of need this to get out of the way. I want to do another Logan angst. TOO MANY IDEAS, NOT ENOUGH TIMES!**

James stuffed his phone into his pocket and turned to Carlos. "Hey, you know the way to Logan's room right?" He laughed as Carlos sheepishly shook his head 'no'. James grabbed his arm and lead him down the hall, stomach twisting as he thought of what Kendall was going to ask him to do. Sure, he wanted shove a butter knife up his- well, never mind, but he didn't want to go to juvie! There weren't hair products in juvie! He dropped Carlos off and rubbed his sweaty hands off on his jeans. "Hey, I'm gonna go find Kendall. He's lost," he lied. Carlos raised an eyebrow, but let it slide.

"'Kay, later," he said, tone implying his curiosity, but James blew him off and near sprinted down the sterile, hospital hall. Carlos watched him race off, confused. He turned away and jumped up and down, pumping himself for Logan like he would before a hockey game. He entered shyly, nervous of how Logan would treat him after what had happened last time.

He walked in to a huge smile.

"Hey Carlos!" Logan said brightly, holding his arms open for a hug. Carlos let himself relax and ran over to squeeze his friend nearly to death. Logan gasped as the Latino knocked the wind out of him, he held on so tight, but hugged back just the same. "So we're good?" he asked quietly, with a chuckle, knowing the answer. Carlos laughed though the tears of relief running down his face and into Logan's shoulder. He rolled over on his back, wrapping his arm around the other boy's shoulder and staring up at the ceiling.

"What happened?" he asked randomly, lying on the bed, comfortable. Logan floundered, not sure how to answer the question.

"Um, well, my dad-"

"No," Carlos cut him off, sticking his tongue out and chewing on it. His forehead creased as he thought. "I mean… what happened to us? Like, when did it stop being happy?" he wondered vacantly, and Logan rubbed his wrist, feeling extremely awkward. He choked back a sob, blatantly refusing to cry, but still feeling incredibly guilty. Carlos noticed his distress, despite all the practice Logan had in hiding it. "Logie, what's wrong?" he asked, worried he was in pain. Logan scratched his ankle with his heel.

"Uh… It's nothing," he started to say, but a hard look from Carlos broke him. "Well, _we_ stopped being happy when_ I_ stopped being happy." Carlos gave him a crooked look, and Logan elaborated. "Carlos… it's a long story," he answered.

"We've got time. James and Kendall are off doing something dumb," he assured Logan, wanting to know the problem so he could get in there and fix it. Carlos was a man of action, and he wanted to do anything to make Logan better. The beaten boy sighed.

"Okay, so you… you know how my mom," he gulped, "died?" he squeaked the last part, hating to even say it. Carlos nodded. "Well… sometimes it seems like part of my dad died with her. And-" he paused to catch his breath and blink away the tears threatening to fall. "I guess… I guess I didn't really notice at first, but he started acting funny, and paying attention to me less, and taking care of things a _lot_ less." His voice was tight as he talked, and Carlos brought his arm a little tighter around his thin shoulders. "And then I noticed, I noticed his pupils being big one morning and small the next, and how money was being taken from our savings account-" Carlos stopped him.

"Do you want me to call Kendall?" he asked, looking at his friend worriedly. Logan shook his head.

"He knows." He choked down a swallow, his mouth dry as paper, and continued. "So I did some digging and I found drugs under his mattress, and in his sock drawer, even in his shower. He had everything. Crack to a trillion other things. And… I didn't know what to do." Carlos gave him a pat on the back.

"Just take a break, man. It's cool." Logan leaned into his touch.

"It's cool," he said flatly and continued. "So, I dug deeper and found out where he was getting them, it was this guy, Auggie. And then I called the police." Carlos nudged him playfully in the ribs.

"Well that was smart!" he said, proud of his brainy friend. He was sort of hurt Logan hadn't told him, but he was glad to find out what had been eating him all this time. Logan shook his head.

"No… Jimmy was mad. Auggie was his dad, but that's not what he cared about." Logan sounded bitter and angry. He had every right to, though. After all, his life was pretty messed up. "He was angry cause Auggie was his lead supplier of his "product" and then he had to find someone else." Logan punched his mattress. "I was so _dumb._ It's not like putting one guy would get my dad off everything, and now look at me!" He through his hands up to the ceiling, gesturing to the hospital room he was lying in. "I'm hurt, and broken, and I can't-" his voice broke. "I just so useless! Why did I have to be so stupid, that's all I ever am!" His adam's apple bobbed and his eyes glistened with tears.

Carlos pulled him into a hug.

"You're not stupid, Logan," he told him honestly. "You're smart, okay?" he assured him. Logan squeezed him, understanding all Carlos was implying with the simple sentence. Cause he was scared too. And he was unsure what would happen next. And, though he couldn't explain it in words, Carlos thought a lot of Logan, whether he thought the same of himself or not.

"Carlos…" Logan trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Anything, Logie," Carlos answered his unvoiced question. There were some perks to being friends for such a long time.

"I don't wanna go home," he said, looking Carlos in the eyes, each reflecting each other's fear and desperation to find the end. Carlos let his arm drop around Logan's waist and pulled him in tight, brushing away an IV tube that had somehow snaked its way between them.

"You don't have to, buddy," Carlos told him. "If you want, I'm sure we can dig up a spot for you in the Garcia household. James has _loads_ of space, and I know Mrs. Knight would take you in a heartbeat." Logan blushed and fumbled with his sheets.

"I wanna stay with you… okay?" Carlos nodded, but confusion soon took over his face.

"But why me?" he asked. "Are you sure not Kendall or James? They're normally better with," he swirled his hands in the air, "_this_," he said, meaning their situation. Logan leaned his head on the Latino's shoulder.

"I don't know…" Logan stared at his hands as if the answer would suddenly sprawl across them. "I guess you're all crazy and stuff… it makes me forget about everything." Carlos searched Logan's eyes, and a smile flickered onto his face, followed by an expression of raw determination. Logan needed him to forget, and that's what Carlos intended to do.

James met Kendall outside Jimmy's room. "So what do you wanna do?" James asked Kendall as he came up on him. Kendall looked him in the eyes, completely serious.

"Rip his throat out," he answered. James frowned and tugged at his collar.

"I mean, what _will _you do?" he questioned. Kendall searched his eyes in a defining moment, and then tore his vision away, letting it rest on the despicable man lying in the hospital bed before him. He snagged the door handle, swinging it wide open.

"This."

'**Kay. I FINALLY HAVE THIS READY TO GO! The whole book is planned out. Maybe… six chapters more. Maybe?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Um, I tend to do this a lot cause it's my FAVORITE MOVIE, but the part below with James and Kendall… think How To Train Your Dragon (which I don't own) when Toothless is captured and Hiccup and Stoic are with each other. You know the one. **

Kendall hovered over Jimmy's unconscious body, anger evident on his face. James winced as the blonde clenched his fists, fearing the inevitable. Kendall's jaw tightened and he shook his head, trying to rid himself of his conscience. His brow furrowed as moral thoughts clouded his mind, and he turned away from Jimmy, fuming. He looked up into James's eyes, his own highlighted with frustration. "What's wrong?" James asked, lost.

"I want to hurt him _so_ bad," Kendall responded, sounding just as confused. "But… I _can't._" He seemed genuinely distraught. James stepped over to him, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Why not?" he asked, looking into Kendall as he tried to quell the fear churning in his stomach. This couldn't be what the buildup all of Kendall's pent up emotions had created. The tallest towers have the most devastating falls, and this was 9/11 all over again. His friend looked up at him sadly, ignoring the intense fury burning underneath.

"Logan wouldn't want me to," he answered simply. Suddenly, he shrugged off James's touch and kicked a trash can. He left a large dent and it clattered after rebounding off the wall. Kendall's shoulders hunched as he tried to reign in his boiling anger, but James could see it working its way out with every tremor of the blonde's tensed muscles. He took a shaky breath, knowing an earthquake was coming. He reached out again for his friend.

"Ken-" he started, fingers brushing the older boy's jacket, but Kendall whirling around cut him off.

"Just shut UP, James!" he barked, and he was shocked to see tears streaking the blonde's face. He took a small step backwards as Kendall moved up on him, furious. James was pretty certain that _Kendall_ didn't even understand how he was feeling. Pretty certain became painfully obvious when he began pulling at his hair, sobbing softly. James couldn't even look. "It's- his- FAULT!" he screeched, punching a nightstand and falling to the floor, pounding the wall on the way down. "W-why c-c-could-n't he just _tell_ me?" he hiccupped, words catching in his throat. James came over to hold him, but Kendall shoved him away, and kicked himself up close against the nightstand he had just abused.

"Kendall, don't blame him-" he tried to talk, but Kendall didn't want to listen. He stood abruptly and walked to the other side of the room, knocking over a chair and smacking his hands over his ears. He shut his eyes against his words, as if not seeing James would make him go away.

"Who SHOULD I blame?" he shrieked psychotically. James's vision blurred and it took him a moment to notice it was from tears. He whipped them away with the back of his hand. He rushed over to Kendall, grabbing his arm tightly, not letting him move away. He forced Kendall to meet his eyes.

"Blame me," he choked out through his clogged throat, "It's my fault." Kendall shook him off violently, throwing James back, but he didn't care. He just ran up again and held onto him. "I knew, but I didn't tell you," his arms were wrapped tightly around his leader and he buried his face into his side. "Take this out on me, be mad at me, just don't… _hurt_ him anymore," he gurgled. Kendall glared down at him, his tears ruining his shirt, but was distracted by the quickening of a heart monitor. Kendall's head whipped up just in time.

Jimmy Nixon's eyes fluttered open.

Kendall shoved James off him abusively, not caring when his friend went sprawling onto the floor. James was confused as the whole world seemed to shift beneath him. He found himself looking up at the ceiling. _What the…?_

Meanwhile, Kendall was practically crouching next to Jimmy's bed. As the addict came to, he focused in on Kendall's face. As soon as he recognized him, his chest constricted in terror. He struggled for air and tried to flee in the opposite direction, eyes widening as the wall got in his way of escape. Kendall felt a smile flicker on to his face at how intimidated Jimmy was. Oh yeah. This would be fun.

"What's wrong Jimmy?" he asked, feigning concern. "Aren't you happy to see me?" His voice sounded sickly sweet, and he grinned as Jimmy's face contorted into one of terror. Kendall looked positively wicked as he stood over Logan's tormentor. James, still disoriented, struggled to prop himself up on his elbows to get a grip of what was going on.

"G-g-g-g-g-g," Jimmy stammered incoherently, unable to form a sentence. Kendall laughed at his terror and leaned into Jimmy. He got so close, the druggie turned away from the feel of his hot breath on his already warm face. Blood was pumping through him, just like his adrenaline. He ran a hand through Jimmy's greasy hair, frowning and using his hospital nightgown to wipe the oil from his fingers. He suddenly gripped his shirt and pulled Jimmy up to him.

"Listen here, and listen good, got it?" he ordered and resisted a smile when he nodded violently in response. "You are _never_ to bother _my_ Logan again, understand?" Kendall licked his lips and counted off a list on his hand, "That means you don't _look _at him, you don't _talk_ to him, and you sure as _hell_ don't _touch_ him." His eyes bore into Jimmy's as he held him by the collar. He glared down at him. "From now on, you don't even come _anywhere_ near him _or_ me, or face the consequences."

Kendall gathered up more of Jimmy's hospital gown, getting him in so near, their foreheads almost touched.

"You remember this, Jimmy Nixon," he spat the name literally, a glob of saliva now running down the other boy's cheek. "You are nothing but _trash_, unfit for even the darkest alley ways. You mean _nothing_ to _anyone_and you sure as hell never will, either." He gave Jimmy a good jostle and stormed out of the room, earthquake over, but absent mindedly leaving James behind.

The taller boy picked himself off the floor and headed out when his eyes caught on a panting Jimmy. He could feel bile rising in his throat at what he did to Logan, and whirled back in the room. Before the other boy could even think, James was up on his bed, heel slammed into his chest. Jimmy looked around, dazed, eyes finally finding James's. A spit second later, the heart throb's palm connected with his face. James had slapped Jimmy. Hard.

He tried to escape the intimidating boy's stare, but it was useless. James smiled when Jimmy began murmuring prayers under his breath. Good. He was going to need them. James leaned in towards Jimmy's ear, an eerie calm surrounding them, and whispered something nearly inaudible.

The heart monitor dead panned for a few seconds.

When the incessant beeping noise once again filled the room, James left, slamming the door behind him on a terrified Jimmy Nixon. They never saw him again, but that was probably for the best.

**AAAAAAACH! I hated this with an EXTREME PASSION! SO SORRY FOR MAKING SUCH A CRAPPY CHAPTER!  
**

**Huff. On that note, not many more chapters left! JUST TWO! SOB! I just have to tie up loose ends, and it feels… wrong. I HATE THIS! I sort of want to just write and get it with all over with today. CHEEKY HAS OTHER BOOK PLANS! I also wanna do SWB, the next two chapters, cause then I get to start TORTURING THEM!**

**Oh yeah, if you guys like seeing ALL the boys in pain, check out Some Wild Behavior, cause things are going to get abusive! Think Maximum Ride before they escaped the School.**


	18. Chapter 18

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Tomorrow is April Fool's Day and my SISTER KEEPS LAUGHING ALL SCARY! I'm going to have a heart attack.**

**GUYS IMPORTANT! I seriously recommend listening to Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5, cause that's what **_**I**_** was listening to when I wrote this. GO REPEAT BABY! Oh and "Heaven is the Face" by Steven Curtis Chapman**

Carlos and Logan were still lying together in Logan's hospital bed, knotted in tubes, when James and Kendall walked in. Logan's head was nestled into the crook of Carlos's neck, and he was gripping the Latino's arm tight across his chest. Carlos held him just as hard in refusal to let the thinner boy out of his sight ever again. They pulled their eyes off the TV when the two entered, James having caught up with Kendall in the hall.

There was a pause.

All four boys examined each other, and then looked to their toes, ignoring each other's puffy eyes. Sometimes, they just honestly didn't want to know.

James looked warily at Kendall, trying to gauge his mental stability. He had sort of flipped out earlier and went a bit crazy on him, and now he was scared. And James was just so tired of being scared. He instantly regretted remaining silent on the way back to the room and wanted desperately to talk with Kendall alone. He cleared his throat not-so-subtly, and ushered Kendall out into the hallway.

Carlos and Logan watched them leave with matching raised eyebrows and then returned their attention to the screen. Carlos rubbed the younger boy's shoulder with his thumb, and spotted Albert across the room, resting on a chair. He wasn't quite sure how the elephant had gotten over there, but he was sure that Logan couldn't get up to get it. He also knew that Logan would never willingly admit his craving for the little guy. He detangled himself from Logan and the various things sticking into him, and went over to grab it. He put the stuffie in Logan's arms and lay back down next to him, all this without a word. Logan accepted it gratefully, hugging it to his chest and cuddling up closer to Carlos.

They watched the show in silence, entwined, until Logan piped up, "Carlos?" The Latino rubbed his shoulder with his thumb in acknowledgement. "Do you… do you really think all those things you said about me?" he asked, blushing and fumbling with the hem of his sheets. Carlos turned his head toward him rapidly, shocked, which just made Logan's face turn redder. "It's just cause… I don't know, it's weird cause, I mean, you're so nice to me, all of you are, and I don't get why, not even before Jimmy and stuff, why you hang out with me because you, and James, and Kendall are all so much better than me at everything, so I don't get why you guys would want to be friends with me-"

"Logan," Carlos cut off his flustered babbling, talking slow. "I really don't like how you can't see how great you are." His eyes flickered to his toes for a second and then looked right back to Logan. "But that's the _only_ thing I don't like about you," he finished earnestly. He was thrown back against the pillow he was leaning on when Logan flung himself at him, wrapping him in a huge hug.

Carlos didn't know what to do for a second, and he held his arms up as Logan buried his face in his shirt, holding onto his waist. Then his senses came back to him, and he gingerly held the thinner boy, worried he might break him if he clung on too tight. It was almost unnerving about how small Logan was in his arms. When had he gotten so skinny? It made Carlos wonder what all Mr. Mitchell had been forgetting to do lately.

Oh yeah. There was no way Logan was going back home.

He nuzzled his nose into his raven black hair, taking in his sent, which smelled disturbingly of antiseptic and blood. The gash in his head would account for that. He looked up, startled, when James and Kendall burst into the room, dry eyed and arms wrapped around each others' shoulders. They seemed to step back a little when they realized they were stepping in on Carlos's and Logan's moment. Carlos rolled his eyes and ushered them in, despite that Logan hadn't even noticed they entered.

James was sort of… overcome. He watched Carlos hold Logan, who was clinging to him so tight his elbows were turning white, and craved to be held too. Somehow, he found himself enveloping his friends in a hug of his own. He suddenly became very aware of Kendall's arms wrapping around on top of him, heat radiating through his t-shirt. Everything felt surreal and right.

Until Logan let out a hiss of pain, bringing them back to reality.

"Logan, are you okay?" Kendall asked quickly, pulling away sharply and breaking the hope of the moment. James let go too, but Logan kept himself attached to Carlos, craving the Latino's comfort. He nodded up against his chest, eyes burning.

"Yeah… it's just sore," he groaned, clearly and understatement. "One of you guys just his a bruise to hard or something…" he trailed off, gasping to work through the pain. Kendall and James squirmed, feeling as if they were to blame. Logan struggled to wave them off, and then reluctantly rolled away from Carlos, doubling over, holding one of his broken ribs. Carlos looked at him sadly, and Kendall cleared his throat.

"Guys?" Logan's eyes flickered up at him before shutting up to block off the hurting, not that it would work. The other two gave him their full attention. "This whole thing is sort of…" he trailed off, for the first time in his life, a pep talk _not_ coming to him. "Intense, but… well, we're _us_ okay? We've been through concussions, comas, and heartache together, and we can't just let this make us fall apart." He made eye contact with all his friends, drawing them in as they held back, reluctant to give into a hope that just kept letting them down.

"I know it's really tough. And it's really scary," he threw a look to Carlos, who seemed to pale at the thoughts. "And it hurts in more ways than one," his voice caught as he thought of the pain Logan was going through. "But we've been strong before, right? We can hold up now!" James looked at him uncertainly.

"But Kendall…_ more_ than what we've been through before. This is just too much," he looked to his feet, embarrassed to cave to defeat. It was one thing to know he was slipping, and another to admit it. Kendall looked at him sullenly.

"I know… it's hard. _Really_ hard. And I know it's a lot to ask you to hold up the whole world like this, but we've been trained for stuff like this! All those times where we've broken arms," he looked to James, "got made fun of," Kendall glanced at Carlos, "or experienced death," he sent a stare to Logan, who was still holding his rib cage, but not in as much pain. "Well, it's been working us up so we could handle this! And besides… we've got each other, right? We can't let this wedge between us!" Logan took a shaky breath, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"But it's _always_ there, Kendall!" he sobbed, "It's so… _consuming_, it's eating me up and I can't _take it _anymore. I can't bear this hurt alone!" he gagged, feeling nauseous. Carlos and James immediately went over, rubbing his back to comfort him. Kendall smiled.

"Look, Logan, you don't have to! Me, Carlos, and James will always be right by you," he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. "Just… hang in there, okay? And if you need to, hang to us! We'll support you until the end of time, alright?" Logan trembled.

"But _why?"_ he asked, James and Kendall responding with confused looks. Carlos just rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. He crossed his arms.

"Logan, we love you," he stated simply. Carlos shook his head, almost seeming disappointed, "When are you going to get that though your _head_?" His voice cracked, "I just wish you would understand how great you are, Logie. If you need to hear it, than just say the word, okay? Cause Logan, you're my _best friend_ and I see how truly wonderful you are Logan, even when you don't." Carlos nearly slapped himself in the face, not sure how such powerful words came to him.

All three boys were shocked when Logan's thin arms shot out and grabbed them, pulling them into another hug, this one a bit more tearful than the last. For another short moment, the world was as it was supposed to be again. They held onto each other for an eternity that felt more like a split second. When they pulled away, with blurry vision and smiles plastered on their faces. Honest, real smiles.

Somehow, everything was a million times better. It was like that giant weight they had been carrying on their shoulders for so long wasn't there anymore. Instead, it was like their friends all had a part of it. Sure, it was still heavy, and it still ached, but it wasn't so hard, and that made all the difference.

Life could change in an instant, but that was the easy part. It was hard to deal with the aftermath.

"**Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss, and a thousand other little things I miss with her gone."**

**SERIOUSLY GO LISTEN TO 'HEAVEN IS THE FACE' RIGHT NOW!**

**I don't know what happened. I HAD a plan for two chapters, but I'm sick of writing this, and… I sort of messed up last chapter if I wanted to have had two… so basically this is the last one. It's exciting and depressing at the same time. I have a REALLY short story planned where Logan… you'll see. It's hard to explain. Um… and if whumpage is what you're interested in, Some Wild Behavior is about to get REALLY INTENSE! Of course, I'm hurting ALL of them in that. BWAHAHA!**

**PS, Have you ever noticed that ALL my stories are pretty much Friendship/Hurt/Comfort, with the exception of angst thrown randomly in there. Hm… weird.**

**GUYS! I'M GOING TO MISS YOU! Um, so if we're not friends, we should probably change that. Leave me a PM or a review, or go read something else, cause I don't want to lose you guys! You're all so awesome!**


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